Tuesday, 18 June 2013

The Zombie uprising is doomed to fail

We live in an era where most people have an idea of what they'll be doing once shit hits the fan and Aunt Betty raises from the grave and begins turning your brains in to the next Sunday roast, but is it really necessary?

*note that I am basing this off Romero classic zombie who spread infection via bite, are slow, and very comical

We all know the scenario by now, so let's just skip the technical introduction and go straight in to the reasons why we should all chill out about the thought of zombie chaos!

You could escape them by having a casual stroll 
Congratulations! You've now survived the first wave zombie strike. The local goths were thankfully the first to go, that's what they deserve for putting their balls where they weren't supposed to go. 

See, Romero's zombie were never fast, and aside from the grab lunge as seen in Night of the Living Dead,  Day of the Dead and Dawn of the Dead, you could pretty much continue about your day to day life without worrying too much.

For anyone who were abused as children and prevented from seeing the Romero zombies, I've supplied a link to the full movie in 720p for free on Youtube at the end of this article, you're welcome.

The average speed of a human living in Western Europe and America is 4mp - that's walking with intent - while zombies tend to stagger, after viewing the movies again, I calculated the following:

Based on a distance of 1 meter
The average time for a zombie to cross 1 meter is 4 seconds at a stagger 
That places the zombie's speed at 0.7456 mph

You outspeed them by over 3 mph

At worst case scenario for the zombie:

Based on a distance of 1 meter
The average time for a zombie to cross 1 meter is 4 seconds at a stagger 
Add in obstacles such as stairs, where a zombie could on average cross 1 stair per second
The average speed for a zombie would be: 0.3482 mph

In the movies, we all seem to follow the dumbest bitches to ever escape Darwinism who run straight in to the zombies then wonder why their brains are being skull fucked by their old biology teacher who shot himself after Star Trek was cancelled on CBS. 

Even zombie hordes wouldn't be that hard to escape. Unless you are trapped in a two way street with zombies at both exists and no building to escape in to then all you are required to do is walk around them in the same manner as your ex girlfriend does to you in the club. 

The Military 
This is a tank for all of those living in countries that use MLP as a national pass time:

These can survive direct impacts from IEDs, air bombardment, most RPG, and human fists.

I'm not going to insult your intelligence by stating the obvious, however say to say that if shawtee be rolling a tank down to the club in a world full of zombies then not a single shit would be given - most armoured vehicles used by the USA, Britain, France and...pretty much all nations now, are so beefed up to be so advanced to fight the other stuff that's beefed up to be advanced. 

All the military would need to do is blast some Highway to Hell as they roll down the streets, crushing the unfortunate bodies of the dearly departed. 

At last calculation, the combination total estimate of all armoured tech in nations belong to the UN Council was just under 3,000,000. 

So it's all cool if you have an armoured car, but what about infantry?

Remember that speed calculations? I'm sure infantry will be more than safe to escape the average speed of a zombie.

A common argument is that you need to shoot a zombie in the head or it'll keep coming but I match this with the following logic:

Decaying flesh vs. average round fired from FN SCAR or SA80 with an average distance of 40 meters = one hell of an exist wound which could probably detach the zombie from its legs. 

Even luckier if you live in a country like the US where every citizen is armed to the teeth - life would be pretty normal, with exception that the murders cause from deaths each year would be rewarded with the Zombie-hunter Cross. 

There's also the Navy which is more powerful that the Army for firepower, and combined with the airforce there would literally be no threat of the zombies getting far. 

Your home

Most modern construction has become so sophisticated in keeping that scum that is humanity from entering your personal space that security has never been so strong. This has become such a problem that police across many countries are having to re-assess their forceful entry battering rams. 

Windows too have become so strong that modern double-glazed glass can survive a direct impact from most objects, especially in Europe where the European Union forces a certain level of construction sufficiency. 

See how the store windows are intact? Those were intact by the end of the movie (aside from the damage causes by the bikers). That glass is from the 70s and was cheap even for then. nearly 30 years on and a higher standard of resistant glass is used for domestic construction; not so much for security but more for interior climate control, regardless it still does the job. 

You're safe guys, chill. 

They'll be eaten 

I'll just leave this video and let your imagination think of what this would like in a world of walking dead corpses:

So you've made it this far, and here's your reward:

Night of the Living Dead in full HD:

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