Thursday, 16 May 2013

Become an Eton Posh Boy!

Do you often have murderous thoughts but are too scared to become the next Jack the Ripper? Too scared, too dumb, or too incompetent as a Human-being to enter the armed forces? No worry friend, for we now have an opportunity for you to become the next Joseph Stalin!

Yes, become a Posh Eton Boy today and live our your dream of murdering the masses!

There's a catch, right? Your sure as hell there is! See below for our mandatory requirements:

  1. Must be able to supply evidence of coming from a substantially wealthy family; preferable more than several million - you may show this by forcing your butler to bend over and kiss your boots
  2. No common sense - the word common should never be associated with you
  3. No connection to the average person - no sir, we can't allow 'average' within the Eton Posh Boys for you are clearly much better than the garbage sucking plebs
  4. Ability to forget every single fundamental fact within your degree. Study Economics? Bleh! Who needs to study, when YOU have money!
  5. Gold digging trophy wife. Who needs love when YOU have money! 

Yes, through the Posh Eton Boys training initiative, we can have you on your way to murdering hundreds of people indirectly! Once you become an Eton Posh Boy, all you are required to do is pick a mainstream political party. It doesn't matter which, they're all batting for our side now! Then, when in said party, simply have your daddy pump thousands of pounds into your campaign; hire a fiction author for your manifesto and the street scum will be love you!

What's on offer in the Eton Posh Boy's training Initiative:

  • How to force the poorest to commit suicide through social and economic policy 
  • How to absorb any and all eggs that many be tossed on your Italian suit 
  • Having people assassinated 
  • Kissing the Queen's bum 101
  • Economics derp-oh-one: how to ignore every single economist who isn't on your payroll 
  • Expression 101 - how to look and sound as smug as possible
  • Boris Johnson - only joking, Boris Johnson is actually liked by many, you wont be!
Our greatest successes include:

David Cameron (Pic: Getty)

Elton John hit with a shovel 

The Wicked Witch of the west

Aborted Science experiment 

Sign up today, and receive 10 financial policies totally designed to shit on the faces of everyone who ever accelerated themselves from poverty without relying on enslavement of fellow citizens ABSOLUTELY FREE!!